Social : Me comes First . . . anything else is a nightmare !

I would disagree. My family comes first, no matter what hardship or grief I go through as long as the missus and my kids are safe, well and happy that rubs off on me. If I were to put me first that would in my opinion make me selfish.

Shamus Doherty

BandMemberOnline

I don't think it is necessarily selfish to put yourself first, unless you have children. On that one I'm with you Shamus - my daughter comes first, every single time. I think if you're not prepared to put your children first, you shouldn't be having them. That said, some "me" time every now and again doesn't go astray!

Jo.
New Level Recruitment - helping you recruit the Health & Safety support your company needs.www.newlevelrecruitment.com

Dear Jo,

You wrote: "my daughter comes first, every single time."

Just two or three concrete situations to get me an idea, please ?
If you like, combined with your purpose . . .

Warm regards,
Andreas Wiedow

I agree with you Shamus. My children and husband come first (and vice versa for him). My way of thinking is that if they are happy and feel secure as a family unit it makes me happy. My husband and I share the parenting role jointly so we both get plenty of time to ourselves but we also spend plenty of quality time together as a family.

I do believe that it is important for people in any type of relationship (whether it be marriage with kids, no kids, etc) to remember who they are though. Have your own hobbies and interests and make time to work on yourself. Example: my husband plays rugby. So every Saturday he is off to have a game and spend some time with his friends but more often than not the kids and I go along also.

My point is so long as we work together everyone is happy and everyone comes first.

Regards,

Rachel


www.tamaralyster.com
Character Driven Marketing
Copywriting, Strategic Marketing Plan Development, Subscription eConsultancy

Hi Andreas -
Just two or three concrete situations to get me an idea, please Jo. - like giving up my job because she needed me to be at home. Like donating a kidney. Like cancelling this weeks holiday because she needs me to go to her french play. Like spending 4 hours yesterday when I should have been working to search for a certain computer game she wants for christmas. Like everything I do, every day...
I'm not sure what you mean, combined with your purpose - my purpose is to try and raise a happy well adjusted individual who is confident of her worth and secure in my love and support.

Do you have children Andreas?


New Level Recruitment - helping you recruit the Health & Safety support your company needs.www.newlevelrecruitment.com

Nam myoho renge kyo - The lotus grows in the swamp. The deeper the swamp the more beautiful the lotus grows.
(Nichiren)

Dear Jo,

Thank you for your reply.

Asking you the following question, please don't feel too upset about:

With your answer regarding purpose you hit the nail perfectly. Who would your mentioned top ethic purposes - regardless how far one succeeds - reflect on ?
(Apart from my experience that I've often seen parents with a proud smile on their face once congratulated by others for good behaviour of their children)

If your answer was *Me* would that neccessarily mean that you are a selfish person ?

According to Abraham Maslow you'd work on the highest level fulfilling your needs - in my opinion.

So, the Me comes First also includes . . .

. . . giving up your job for a better education and caring of your children
. . . listen to customers instead of spamming them with your details
. . . being a giver instead of suck out others

Yes, Jo, Victoria, 8 1/2 years old, making paper boats named "Andrea Doria" and mixing an almost perfect non-alcoholic caipirinha.

Warm regards,
Andreas Wiedow, dancin' with BeoniT
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Andreas, you asked Jo a question which had no real substance after all nearly everything a parent does is for their children so having to validate this is just plain ridiculous, further more your interpration is just as bad. Just accept on this occasion that not everyone will agree with you so instead of trying to baffle them with 'lotus' that grow in the swamp' just go with the flow.

As far as I see it, the kids still come first no matter how pretty you tart the above statement.

Shamus Doherty

BandMemberOnline

"Once it's equal what others may think about you, unlimited success is inevitable."
(unknown)

Dear Shamus,

Powered by Puma to 1/3 may I kindly ask you and everybody else who may have felt like for apology if my replies where interpreted as attempt to convince others with my content or possible opinions. Driven by unintentionality, reflecting on thoughts coming up and simply asking questions I feel honoured if only one feels buffled and takes a step out of his/hers box for just a Blink! on ecademy blogs.

One remark on your mentioned "flow" . . . exactly in that specific concern you may find a key company statement reading my profile.

Warm regards,
Andreas Wiedow, dancin' with BeoniT
. . . see ecademists feedback here . . .

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are you talking about????? I've never seen such a load of drivel !!!

Jo.
New Level Recruitment - helping you recruit the Health & Safety support your company needs.www.newlevelrecruitment.com

There you go again talking waffle. Don't remember asking for a riddle?

Shamus Doherty

BandMemberOnline

MyKindAMagic is believing in myself, when I do that, I can make anything happen (Goethe .. sorta)

Dear Freddie,

It appears to me that you agree with the topic. Please let me know if I'm wrong with that. Thanks. Have F.

Thank you for joining the most exclusive club on the ecademy here . . .

Dear Shamus, you wrote: Don't remember asking for a riddle?

I say: Will do. Your wish is my command, M'Lud.

. . . anyone interested in early bird of my life performance 4-hours Cold Call in Brighton this year ? Drop me a note.

Note: You're now about to enter the ugly part . . . signature . . . uuuuuh . . .

Don't be one in a million . . . play on top . . . play with Experts !
Divine regards,

Andreas Wiedow, driven by puma to 1/3 and wild thinker in Cold Call Techniques on arow-biz - Das Weiterbildungsportal - anders weiter bilden . . .
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Dear Jo, you wrote: I've never seen such a load of drivel !!!

I say: Wait and see, there's more to come . . . *schmunzelgrins*

And: If anything's not clear: Ask. Be precise with your questions and do not make generalizations - I mean: generalisations (That's British English).

Stay tuned, Andreas Wiedow
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My parents kept me fed and clothed, but when it come to me earning a living or striking out on my own, even paying for my own food and medical care they put blocks in front of me and chose to make me maladjusted as far as money was concerned. The less said about their involvement in my university days the better.

It did appear under all intents and purposes to make me poor and therefore to stay at home and be a child forever. This I simply wont put up with. Not all intentions of a parent are about the child, but about the needs of the parent and not listening to the child's needs at all.

Domestic violence is a key example. It is designed to make the offspring be slaves and to help the grownups to vent their anger through inflicting damage that is designed to be long lasting.



Nick

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It took me years to work this one out!!!
I always put my kids and family first!

But it wasnt until I became enlightened that my situation improved! and my family settled into a balanced routine and life after huge trauma!

You are so right!..To Be strong, A leader, A Teacher, A good Parent, A good employee or any other role
We have to look after ourselves, physically,mentally and emotionally

So a vodka to US!
Namaste

Gabrielle
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I don't think it's an EITHER/OR thing for me - like "I put myself first" or "I put my kids first".

I think I'm lucky because I can run things in a way that comes out Win-Win for me and my kids, and they're old enough now to make it a bit of a mutual support act. When they were young, I devoted myself to them and I can take my hands off the reins more now. I did things the way I did them (a) because I adored them and nothing else would have satisfied me and (b) I wanted to avoid putting them through the same childhood experiences as I had. So I pleased myself about the way I raised my kids - you could call that selfish I guess.

They are enormously rewarding now and, again it could be seen as selfish, I'm reaping the rewards of a long-term investment. All the big choices were made round them: where we live, the school they go to, my choice of self-employment to fit round their hours - but it works for all of us, we all win.

And to this day, if it came down to it - a stark choice - me or any of them - I'd lay my life down and be happy to do it.

Now, I prioritise different stuff at different times of my life (and even different times of the day). That's why I love running my own diary - it gives me the flexibility - and I do book off a day of 'me-time' every week. Sometimes I even use the 'me-time' for me and don't spend it doing paperwork or marketing LOL! But you know, doing my paperwork serves me 'cos it keeps the practice running smoothly, and it serves the kids because I feel calm and organised, and earns money to keep the roof over their heads.

Most folks are prioritising what makes them happy (and what they think will make them happy). For lots of people, that is genuinely and sincerely their family and it's lovely to see people saying so here.

Linda

Change your life with homeopathy!

@ So a vodka to US!
Vodka to you, soy milk to me

Tune in . . . Father & Son by Cat Stevens

Have fun, Andreas Wiedow - aka Durian
+49-69-70720880 | Newsflash abonnieren | Übersicht aller Telefon-Tipps

---

@ I feel calm and organised
See, you do it for you, because . . . if YOU (first) wouldn't feel calm, your kids and whole family would suffer as result

That's the point.

And yes, I know, I took only some small aspect from your reply . . . though if you get through it and draw the consequences . . . everything falls back to your persona and if you come first and look after yourself first or not . . . if you don't everybody else (including you first ) will suffer as consequence.

Simple. True. Wiedow.

Now where's Steve when I want him . . .

Tune in . . . Father & Son by Cat Stevens

Have fun, Andreas Wiedow - aka Durian

Absolutely - "take care of yourself first and then you'll be equipped to take care of all the other people and stuff that need you".

I only learned this lesson with help from other supportive and encouraging people who cared enough about me to take on the hard job drumming it into my head This was my hardest decision: get divorced or not. Could I continue in a life-sentence of a marriage to give the kids my idea of a 'perfect' life? (Must be said, my ideas about 'perfect' have changed since then)

The things I most remember people saying were:

"Do you think your kids would be better off with a happy, fulfilled Mum than an unhappy, discontented, ill one?"

"Remember you're teaching by example. What are you teaching your kids when you sacrifice your happiness? Do they want that debt of obligation?"

"You have to be your own Prince Charming." (I see a schmunzelgrin coming on)!

So the question is how do you take care of yourself and how does it pay off for you?

Off the top of my head, the biggest prize I can claim for myself is time - whether I waste it or invest it in Higher Purposes is up to me . Since I am my business, this is easily justified as "working on my business, not for my business"

So I:

have a Virtual Assistant to take care of some of the jobs

don't have a cleaner because I think the kids should learn how to keep house and I took time out to teach them domestic and life skills to help them become independent so I don't have to keep digging them out (not sure how successful that tactic has been, they still throw the odd hand-grenade into our otherwise harmonious existence LOL!)

use some of that time for things that nourish and regenerate me - and that includes 'pottering around' and day-dreaming and snoozing - I get my best ideas then - and networking in all its guises

do things like making lists because chaos is kind of my natural inclination and it really doesn't serve me (see 'Calm')

and avoid any technology that's supposed to help you but doesn't because you have to read a 60-page instruction manual first or because it has lots of little working parts and if only one of those breaks you have to get into the whole "taking it back to the shop" business, where you get told it's cheaper to replace it (pet hate)

stay curious - about everybody and everything - "curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back"

By no means a comprehensive list but I think it serves me not to try and be perfect

Linda

Change your life with homeopathy!